Ninja Assassin: Could Stephen Colbert do this?

Yes, it’s the UK release of Ninja Assassin, starring Colbert’s nemesis, Rain. gave it 1 out of 10. “It’s been a long time since we’ve seen a decent ninja flick,” starts the review, before explaining why it is that we’re still waiting. But the review is reasonably complementary about Rain, reserving its main criticism for director “McTeigue, who exhibits all of the subtlety and unpredictability of a kamikaze pilot.” The review describes the film as “a hyperkinetic gorefest” – sounds like a good night out, then. Count me in.

And here’s David Jenkins in Time Out: “a garish and and poorly filmed chop-socky frolic that makes about as much sense as an Escher painting viewed through Vaseline-smudged Ray-Bans.” But which would you rather have: over 160 minutes of blue aliens (yes, visually stunning but aliens nevertheless) in an overblown and rather dully plotted blockbuster (Avatar), or 99 minutes of dead-buff Korean pop star in a rather dully plotted popcorn flick which nevertheless promises “an army of tooled-up foot soldiers being shredded to mincemeat in a hail of death stars” (Time Out again). I’ll take Ninja Assassin any day. That way I can get some entertainment and then get to the pub quicker.

Here’s a taster, which is pure genius.

And this is the real version, which is rather less interesting having seen the spoof version.

For the best effect, hit the play buttons simultaneously and watch the videos in parallel.

Ninja Assassin opens on 22 January at the Empire Leicester Square and elsewhere. Be there.


  • Don’t bother visiting the official movie website. It’s so over-bloated that it doesn’t load. Maybe they would have been better off building it in Lego

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